HOLY HOMEWORK

Angry in August

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Are humans more irritable in the late days of summer than during other months of the year? The ancients certainly believed that the July and August rising temperatures caused an equal rising in tempers. The so-called “dog days” of summer made people and animals angry and wild.

Is this especially true for New York City dwellers? Maybe so! The close quarters and crushing crowds of a subway commute in mid-winter are certainly no cause for rejoicing. But add perspiration and broken air conditioning to the mix, and our patience, like our fuses, can shorten considerably when the humidity is suffocating.

Climate aside, how “Christian” are we when it comes to dealing with the deadly sin of anger; our own or others?

Solution number 1: Walk away, even if it's only for a jaunt around the block or just stepping back for a few seconds to take a deep breath and count to 10.

This remedy works for both parties: the angry person, and the recipient of the anger. How can “retreating” be a noble resolution for anything? Wouldn't this be tantamount to avoidance? No. A temporary withdrawal does not mean burying the issue under a rug or pretending it doesn't exist. This recess is only a short separation.

What purpose does this reprieve serve? This brief “time out” gives the angry person a chance to cool off. After all, any strong emotion, particularly anger, clouds our judgment. So even when our anger is justified, we don't want to escalate our tension to the point of saying something we'll regret later on.

The reason why the receiver of another's anger should turn away is even simpler. It is impossible to argue with people who are angry because angry people believe they are right. How can we have a discussion with people who think they are correct and everyone else is wrong? We can't. So, it's best to postpone any dialogue until later when the other person's anger has subsided and a “Christian” conversation is actually possible.

Solution number 2: Switch perspectives by peering through the other person's lenses for a while.

Here is a little-known fact about our species. We cannot adopt another person's viewpoint and also be angry with that person. Humans are incapable of doing both at the same time. When we are mad at someone, as soon as we look at the world through their eyes, our anger diminishes.

Again, this practice works for both parties. The recipient should also try to envision what the irate person is seeing. Can we visualize an injustice when we take their point of view? Would we be just as frustrated and upset if our positions were reversed? And if so, can we realize why they might perceive their anger as justifiable?

Solution number 3: Recognize and respect where the other person is coming from.

More than anything, angry people want to feel understood. They want to know that someone else on the planet comprehends what they're going through. This does not necessarily mean “agreement.” But it does mean acknowledging and appreciating their experience of the situation.

Solution number 4: Accept misplaced anger as a compliment rather than a threat.

Anger is a socially repugnant emotion. Such outbursts make adults appear childish and out of control. When an angry person gets “in our face,” it is extremely difficult for us not to become hostile in return. However, we can remain calm if we accept the other person's anger as a compliment rather than a confrontation. This is no easy task. But if adults allow themselves to regress into a tantrum in our presence, this may say more about their placing trust in us rather than their being a threat to us.

Solution number 5: Pray, not as a last resort, but for continual support.

Prayer works. And it works for two very good reasons. The first reason is supernatural. God exists. God hears our prayers and answers them by giving us the graces we need when we need them. The second reason is natural. When we pray our concentration shifts from selfish to selfless. During prayer, we turn the spotlight away from ourselves and more towards God. As we ask God for assistance, we are opening our hearts to receive his help. Our focus becomes less and less on our pain and more and more on our power. Our confidence builds through our belief that the strength of God will bolster our weaknesses.

For Holy Homework:

Let's pick a clammy day in August and allow a piece of paper to “stick” to our sweaty forearm. Then let's meditate for a moment by asking: How closely do we “stick” with God when we get irritable, or when someone gets angry with us?

Comments can be sent to: FatherBobPagliari@Yahoo.com