In Sickness and Health, Long-Married Couple’s Faith Endures

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Don quietly wheels Mary into the community room being used for the celebration of Mass at Wingate Nursing Home in Fishkill.

Both are wearing their Sunday best—Don Cromer in a blue shirt and tie; and Mary, his wife, in a pink blouse and white cardigan. It is a routine he and his wife have carried out for the past decade, ever since multiple strokes and a cancer diagnosis meant she needed nursing home care.

As they find their places, Don holds Mary’s hand as both smile at each other patiently waiting for Mass to begin. Father Pat Curley has traveled to the nursing home from St. Mary’s in Fishkill to celebrate the Mass for the residents there on Laetare Sunday, halfway through Lent.

The room is full of patients, most in wheelchairs—many who have come down from their floors alone—with the assistance of members of the Legion of Mary, who have volunteered each Sunday at the home for the past 15 years.

During his homily, Father Curley tells the nursing-home congregation, “Keep fighting the good fight, and pray for a break…When you get that break, thank the Lord.”

Struggle is something that Mary is familiar with, as sickness confines her to a wheelchair. But that does not break the couple’s spirit.

“She’s very strong. She’s still smiling,” Don told CNY. A humble man, he speaks in a calm tone.

“Every day is nice to have,” he says as he looks at his wife of half a century. The two married Sept. 21, 1963, at St. Columba’s Church in Hopewell Junction. They have two grown daughters, both with children of their own.

“They still love each other, even with all the hardships,” said Jane Walker, a member of the Legion of Mary who has come to know the couple over the years.

“They are so devoted, in a quiet way, it is just so beautiful,” she adds.

The two agree that their Catholic faith is an important and lasting part of their life. “I have good memories associated with church,” Mary said. Over the course of their marriage, the two have seen the baptism of many family members, and even renewed their own vows on their 50th anniversary.

The two sit close together, Don in a chair as close to his wife’s wheelchair as possible, as Mary says with pride and an amused laugh. “Don comes so often,” she said. “I’m the envy of the nursing home.”

Don said, “I try to come every day. I don’t leave at night until she is tucked in.” That morning, he arrived at the nursing home well before 10 a.m. to bring his wife to Mass.

Through it all the ups and downs of married life, both have remained faithful to God and to each other. “I’m pretty good at asking God for help. I should be more thankful,” Don said.

Mary said, “Whenever anything bad happens, I pray.”

But the two do not complain about their lot in life. “We are so fortunate,” Don said. “We are pretty lucky people.”

With a laugh, he says the hardest part of the past few years has been taking care of the household, with chores such as laundry, and newfound responsibilities for paying bills and balancing the checkbook. “Mary used to do all of that,” he said, as he glanced admiringly at his wife.

After Mass, Mary pulls out a set of black rosary beads given to her by her great-aunt. She noted that they have traveled all over with her, as well as with her aunt, who was also in the Legion of Mary.

The connection to the Legion of Mary does not seem to be mere coincidence. Of the Legion volunteers, Don says, “They helped renew my faith in mankind. They are so good and dedicated and compassionate. They come here on Sundays just because they care.”

The Legion of Mary, though small in numbers, has a strong following from its members. “It’s about doing the work, reaching out to people. It’s really about converting, conservation and consolation,” Ms. Walker told CNY. “We have been (involved) in the New Evangelization for the last 75 years.”

She tells CNY that her time with the Cromers has been inspirational. “They remind me of the Blessed Mother,” she added. “They have a quiet devotion.”

In their younger years, Don worked as an engineer for IBM while his wife stayed home raising their daughters and taking care of the household.

Don laughs as he says that the reason the marriage has lasted so long is because he knows the phrase, “Yes, dear,” very well. More seriously, his wife turns to her husband and says, “You don’t ever give up on anything.”

The two liked to travel together before Mary’s health worsened. “We can’t do all of the things we used to do, but we are still together,” she said.

He added warmly, “That’s the best part.”