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I’m nearly always in a rush, most of the time for no good reason, and I had a wake-up call about that recently. I can’t say that I instantly changed my ways, but I’m moving in the right direction.
It all started with my cell phone and a nun.
My cell phone is old, and family and friends have been urging me to catch up with technology and buy a smart phone. Despite my reservations, I stopped at a phone store one day to get some information. As I neared the door, I saw a woman approaching from the other direction. I could tell she was a nun; she wore a cross and a lapel pin. She entered the store behind me.
I knew what I ought to do, but I didn’t do it. When a salesman asked if he could help me, I did not say, “Sister, would you like to go ahead of me?” I had an appointment to keep and I was anxious to get my information and get out, so I told the salesman what I wanted. When our conversation went on longer than I’d expected, I said that I’d have to return another time, and I added, “I want you to take care of Sister,” indicating the patiently waiting nun. She smiled and said, “That’s all right,” and I knew she meant it.
I left and did a quick errand, but I felt so bad that I drove back to the phone store. The nun was walking away. I stopped and apologized. She smiled and said no apology was needed. I told her that letting her go ahead of me was the least I could have done, after all that sisters have done for me through the years.
“That’s good to hear,” she said, still smiling. We introduced ourselves; she is Sister Mary, and she serves at Holy Name of Jesus School in New Rochelle. Later she told me emphatically that she didn’t think she should have been waited on ahead of me. “You were there first,” she said. We parted with good wishes on both sides.
Two days later I found myself in a state of impatience yet again. I went to a concert of medieval and Renaissance sacred music at St. Anthony of Padua Church in West Harrison. Musically speaking, I’m unsophisticated, and it’s not the kind of concert I usually attend. As soon as I arrived I began to worry that it would last too long. I even considered leaving, or leaving early, but I stayed.
The music was performed by the superb Schola Antiqua of Chicago. It was magnificent. The texts were in Latin, and a program in English and Latin was provided. I followed the words as the music floated over and around me and calmed my anxious mind like Jesus stilling the storm at sea. At the conclusion, I felt peaceful, calm and deeply happy.
It occurred to me later that after I had made up my mind to stay and enter into the music, my worries and anxieties slipped away. The music was spiritual, and even though it was presented at a performance and not a liturgical service, it imparted a sense of holiness and the peace of God. It seemed to infuse me with the patience to put aside other thoughts and enter into its spirit.
I think that if I could open up space in my heart to listen to the Spirit of God, and keep that space free of the trivial concerns of each day, I would stop rushing and worrying so much. I might begin to understand what Jesus meant when he promised to impart the peace that the world cannot give.
I know it won’t be easy; everything in my personality runs the other way. But I’m working on it, knowing that, paradoxically, I need to start by being patient and gentle with the most impatient person I know: myself.
